Lanfell the lost

"The third last day of my life dawned in the village of King's Lynne. I have never been so out of my head with the drink, but it was also the sorrow that had unhinged me... all my friends were hanging out at the forest's edge, waving grotesquely in the wind. No one in the village could have made me to go out there again after the horrors I'd seen, because of all the grief I felt; meanwhile,  some miserable brute was about to murder me and pretend it was in the King's name, so of course I had to take them under my wing before they walked into a death trap.

He and his stupider-than-thou companions at least had the sense to listen to me when I told them to head for safety; they started back up the road towards the Bastard. They wanted to head right on by the Cliffside Inn, but my ranger's senses told me something was wrong... too many things didn't add up, you develop a feel for these things after you survive in the wildwood by yourself for a time. The brute spent too much time shouting at the house; when you're a man of action like me, you know when you're giving your enemies too much time.


As I predicted, they ran into trouble. If they'd attacked quickly with the element of surprise, I'm sure no one would have been hurt. Instead they concocted some over-fancy plan, with tricks and fakes and invisible wizards and bison battering rams. No one was listening to sense, but I knew I had to save them from their own short-sightedness. I leapt the wall and charged right through the front door, surprising all the bandits inside. At least the others had the sense to follow, but of course they stumbled on caltrops and got tangled in nets; they were next to useless. No, it was my swift sword that won the day, coolly capturing the innkeeper-imposter Rezzyn and ending the fight.


After a night's recuperation, the fools opted to swing into the forest. I guided them forward to the bandit's main camp, which I had been observing for some time. I had been waiting for a good opportunity to surprise them, and thought that the bumbling group of cityfolk would provide a handy distraction. Sadly, my erstwhile companions did that latter part all too well, tripping an obvious early-warning system and separating too early without waiting for my plan. A couple sickly panthers ambushed the others, but of course I couldn't help while guarding the enemy commanders; turned out the brute had no skill with a blade whatsoever, just waving it around uselessly while getting mauled. The dark one panicked and fled, Sandals just stood and watched it happen, while the cowardly wizard tried to hide in the bushes; it could not have been a more disastrous rout. It took the whole bandit camp to wrestle me down, but even I have was overcome.


We were propelled through the brambles, and there was never a moment when I might have escaped; I knew that while I could burst my bonds at any time, the helpless fools I was with would be killed out of hand. I suffered in noble silence all the way to the encampment of Keszimir, a notorious werewolf sorcerer lord. He barked and howled his delight, and I knew that the bloodlust was on him; in moments, one of us would die. I was by far the greatest threat to him, and knew that Keszimir secretly feared my strength, so I made the ultimate sacrifice. I stepped forward and volunteered for death so that innocents might live for a few hours more. "Til death take me", indeed."



Selected Highlights:

• "Make a smellcraft check."
• The triumphant return of Lanfell the Magnificent
• "Excuse me, Mr. Dee. Your sneakers are untied!"
• Civlis postulates a working theory for double invisibility
• This battle sets a low-water mark for intra-group cooperation.
• Far from a green rage monster, we demonstrate the powers of annoyance
• "Dear Baezel, As you might have guessed, we have been captured by rangers. No doubt, you are examining the scene right now, as their camp is immediately to your left. They have decided to take us to - "                  - hasty message scrawled in the dirt by Civlis